The girlfriend
by nirbhaya
Summary: A girl shows up at Pearson & Hardman. She's looking for Harvey. She meets Donna instead. *suspense music goes here*


**A/N: Crack!fic. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Blame the hiatus. Have fun?**

**Disclaimer: They're not mine. They'd be making out in every single episode if they were. Promise.**

* * *

The girl was walking swiftly down the hall, with a big smile plastered on her face. Donna has noticed her before she even had to look up from her desk. It was the way she walked, trotted maybe, like it was the happiest day of her life. She's seen that before. Not many times, that's true, but times enough.

Donna turned around in her seat and got up. In least than a second she was holding tight the handle on Harvey's office door before the girl had the chance to open it.

"May I help you?" Donna said, as nicely as she could. And it was a big effort, because she was not in the mood for this.

"It's that Harvey's office?" the girl stuttered, a bit startled by Donna's presence.

"Yes, it is," she pointed a finger to the name in the glass door.

"He's not there," the girl stated the obvious.

"He's not," Donna replied. "Do you have an appointment?"

"I don't need one," she said, grinning widely.

There was pride in her face, and it made Donna almost feel sorry for her. _Almost_.

"I'm afraid you do."

"No, really, I don't," the girl repeated, more serious now.

"No, really, you do."

The girl sighed. And Donna sighed too. She really wasn't in the mood for _this_.

"You must be Donna, right? His assistant?"

Donna tilted her head, curious now. "And you are?"

"I'm Lissy, his girlfriend."

Donna snorted so loudly the girl's expression changed, looking offended now.

"Right, okay, look Lizzie."

"It's Lissy, with two 'S's and a 'Y'."

"Of course it is." Donna left her hold on the door knob and placed a hand over Lissy's shoulder, gently pushing her towards the same hall she's come from. "Lissy, why don't you go home and wait for him to call you. I'll tell him you stopped by, okay?"

"No need. I told him we'll meet in his office for lunch."

"Did he agree?" she asked in disbelief.

"This is his office, right?"

"I thought we had that cleared out already,"

"Then I'm waiting here for him,"

"I'm afraid you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because no one gets through those doors without an appointment or my approval, and you have neither."

"I am his girlfriend."

"You're probably not."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you in so, if you want to wait for him in the lobby, that would be great. Or if you want to wait for him in the street, even better. Or, I don't know, if you want to assault him in the elevator, that's up to you. But I really can't let you in."

"Why not?"

"Gosh, haven't we got through this already? Twice?"

Donna was losing her patience. Luckily for the girl, Harvey showed up down the hall. His pace quickened as soon as he saw the girl... with Donna.

"Hey!" he greeted.

"Harvey!"

"Hey!" he greeted again looking at the girl with a puzzled look.

"Her name is Lissy," Donna said, rolling her eyes.

Harvey gave his assistant a sidelong glance. "I know."

"Of course you do."

"Hey, Lizzie."

"It's Lissy!" the girl let out an exasperated breath.

"Told ya," Donna muttered. She got a murderous look from Harvey to which she answered raising a brow in defiance. Harvey shook his head.

"What are you doing here?" he asked the girl.

"Lunch? Together? You told me to meet you in your office, remember?"

"He probably doesn't," Donna cut.

"It was last night," the girl snapped, annoyed now.

"I'm sure it's all a blur of sheets for him, honey."

"Okay," Harvey interrupted, wanting to stop the conversation from going any further. "Lissy? Why don't you wait for me in the lobby, would you? I'll be there in a beat."

"But I thought…"

"I'll be right there."

Harvey gave the girl his best smile.

"Okay," she finally agreed, smiling back.

She was leaning up to kiss him when Donna placed a file right in front of her face.

"Sorry, I thought you were leaving. Didn't mean to interrupt. I just… Harvey needs to sign this, it's urgent."

Harvey smirked and grabbed the file.

Lissy looked at Donna with a furious look. Donna returned it with one so calm, it made Harvey shiver.

"I'll be right there," he told the girl one more time. She looked at Donna daringly before turning around and leaving.

* * *

Harvey let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and walked to his office, followed close by Donna. They were barely inside the office when she started the interrogation.

"Let me guess. You two met at René's. She was looking for a suit to dress her Ken, so it could take Barbie to prom."

"She's 32."

Harvey sat in his chair and Donna sat in the chair in front of him.

"She's not."

"We're not having this conversation."

"Oh, yes, we are."

"I need the files for the Calver case."

"Then I better get some answers."

"Excuse me?" Harvey tried his best to infuse his tone with authority and a hint of threat. Donna wasn't taking any of it.

"I ask, you answer, you get your files."

Harvey let out a small laugh, "You're blackmailing me now?"

"I'm only practicing the old art of bartering. I have something you want, you have something I want."

"You realize I'm your boss, right?"

"You realize I own your calendar, right? And your agenda. And all your passwords."

"Wait, what? All my passwords?"

"And your accounts, and your dirty little secrets."

"I don't have… " Donna raised one eyebrow and Harvey sighed exasperated. "She just looks younger, okay?"

"I look younger, she looks infant."

"She does yoga, and pilates, and all that shit. I don't know."

"I do yoga, and pilates, and all that shit, and I don't look like I'm sixteen."

"She doesn't look like she's sixteen."

"She does when she speaks."

"Give me the files."

"She said she's your girlfriend."

"She's not."

"She thinks she is."

"She's not."

"May want to clear that up."

"None of your business."

"It is when she knows my name. How does she know my name, again?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, yes, you do."

They engaged into a blinking contest that lasted enough for Harvey's eyes to go completely dry. He blinked first, and Donna grinned so widely he thought her beautiful face would break. He hated losing. He hated losing against Donna even more.

"Probably someone told her on her way up here," he let out, nonchalant.

"No one did."

"And you know this, how?"

"Because after that bastard Tanner took my name in vain, I've made sure no one ever discloses that information to anyone, ever again."

Harvey laughed one more time, "_'Took your name in vain?_' You're a goddess now?"

"I have always been."

'_True,'_ Harvey wanted to say. But he didn't.

"Maybe one of them didn't obey you, your holiness."

"Oh, they know better than that. You talked to her about me, why?"

"Don't let it go to your head. I was probably just talking about work."

"And my name slipped out of your tongue."

"You're my assistant, it happens."

"You talk about me to all your dates?"

"Give me the Calver files, Donna."

"Maybe it's some sort of tactic, getting them jealous so they'll want you more."

"They want me enough."

"Are you sure about that?" She raised a brow.

"Pretty sure," Harvey replied, with a cocky smile on his face.

"You know what they say, when you have to start looking for girls at High Schools…"

"What?" Harvey gaped.

"Might be some sort of mid-age crisis."

"I-" Harvey stuttered. "You didn't just say what you just said," he gritted his teeth.

"I totally didn't," she replied innocently.

"She's not that young!"

Donna simply nodded in faked agreement. Harvey furrowed his brow and looked away.

She waited enough for him to calm down. Then she kept pushing, "What did you tell her about me?"

"Nothing."

"I can do this all day and you know it."

Harvey growled.

"I just… I think I told her an anecdote, I don't know. Those Calver files, Donna…"

"The grapefruit one?"

"No."

"The boat one?"

"No."

"The one with the porn star?"

"What? No!"

"Which one?"

"Donna, give me the Calver files _now_, or you're fired."

Donna stared at him. There was something about the way he was avoiding her question that made her want to keep pushing forever. There was something there and she wanted to know what.

She gave him a crooked smile and Harvey shifted in his sit.

"So many people I could sell your passwords to… I think I'll start with Louis."

"That's not funny."

"Maybe I could just let him impersonate you in the Firefly forum."

"The pillow one!" Harvey finally let out, and it was followed by a silent that could only be compared to the calm before a huge storm.

"What?" Donna asked, trying her best to remain calm but failing.

"I told her about the pillow one," Harvey barely whispered.

"WHAT?" she shouted now, exploding.

"I was drunk," he tried to defend himself.

"I told you to never…"

"…and I was bored and thinking about sleeping."

"… ever in your life…"

"… and a pillow just popped up in my head."

"… tell that story to anyone!"

"She won't tell anyone."

"Oh, she won't," Donna got up and walked towards the door.

Harvey got up just as fast as Donna did, not even sure why. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna meet your _girlfriend_ in the lobby and we'll have a little talk."

"Donna," he practically begged and she turned around to look at him.

The look on her face screamed "_War_" so loudly, Harvey took one step back.

"I promise I'll behave," she said, and Harvey found it even more frightening than the look on her face.

"Donna," he warned her.

"The Calver files are on your desk," Donna replied, completely calm.

"What?" Harvey turned around, walked to his desk and saw them right on top of a stack of other files. "They were here the whole time?"

He looked up and she was gone.

"God Lord, Donna!" he shouted, just before exiting his office and going after her. He was pretty sure he would have to run the stairs to be able to catch her before she could step out of the elevator.

Harvey Specter. Running stairs. In a suit.

He was convinced this woman would be the death of him one day. Oh, he was pretty convinced of that.


End file.
